


Ash Sapling

by snapegirl



Category: Holby City
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 11:10:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8011393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snapegirl/pseuds/snapegirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bernie might just be right, she wasn't ready. There was one person who needed to know but doesn't know yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ash Sapling

The garden outside the hospital was rather quiet on her annual visit. Then again, it is almost 5 in the morning.

 

“Hey, Mum.” Serena put down the punch of flower at the foot of the sapling. “I am about to start my shift so I thought I might pop by. Happy Birthday!” she said with a flourish of her hands.

 

“Funny how I don’t come around more often, considering that I actually work here.” She laughed softly. “But the truth is, I have been avoiding you. I was so angry, when I found out about Marjorie,” The name sounded absolutely foreign on her tongue. “I know that if I come down here I would start shouting at a small tree like a mad woman.”

 

The night breeze was picking up. It felt like her mother was acknowledging her anger and frustration, not that she believed in life after life but it was comforting in a way, even though it was more than acceptably cold.

 

“I cannot understand how you could hide such a thing from me. Do you know she died even before you did? Breast Cancer. And I can’t ask you about her, I can’t ask _her_ about you; Janet Butler’s daughter knows more about you in 10 years than I ever did in 50.”

 

One thought led to another, and one person whom she knew nothing about led to someone else whom she came to adore.

 

“Jason. You have a grandson now.” She looked up to the dark sky and took a deep breath. “You loved Eleanor but you have always wanted more grandchildren. He is … amazing, mum, you would have loved him. I wish I had known him sooner but I guess this is life. If this was years ago, he would have hated me like Eleanor did when she was in college.”

 

_And he almost did._

 

She lost herself in the happy memory of having Jason in her life until a loud siren from an ambulance snapped out of her reverie.

 

“I hate to say this, I don’t know who I was while you were around. I am an image of what you want me to be, and I was!” She laughed humourlessly. “A dutiful daughter who tried her _very best_ to please you, to make you proud. The face you had when I got accepted to Harvard made me felt like it was worth every all-nighter that I have pulled. You had always told me to do what I think it’s right but after a while, I no longer know whether it is that or I was doing it for you.”

 

Serena let out an enormous puff of air and even in the early summer morning, it took a form of the wispy tendril of white smoke. She watched it disappear into the air, wondering if smoking in front of her mother’s buried ashes was too much when she was going to tell something that mattered a lot.

 

“I swear I didn’t come here to rant, there is a reason, other than being your birthday. There is something I need to tell you. There is … someone in my life, someone that I truly want but you wouldn’t like it - ” She wrung her hands as if she might pull her fingers off their joint and she said the name that felt like a benediction. “ - Bernie Wolfe. She’s, ah, yes, she is a woman.”

 

She did not know what she was expecting, perhaps the earth to open up and swallow her whole or a lightening bolt to strike her down any second, turning her into a column of ash. In reality, nothing happened: the wind kept blowing, the traffic was quiet but still hummed with life and a stranded few came in and out of the hospital.

 

“Bernie is one of a kind. She is talented, funny, confident. Not only on medicine but she knew what was happening to my car before I even saw her face, you remember that rustbucket that you always hated the key lime green? It’s blue now. She was so good with Jason as well, encouraging him to be independent, sometimes in misguided intention, but she never treated him as anyone less than amazing even though so many people think his Asperger’s is hindering him rather than just a part of him. She is a godsend in ways that if I list them all out, I’ll be late.”

 

Everything she had been through with Bernie flashed through her mind: the data leak, tough cases, Arthur’s death, Fletch’s injury…. The clearest details in all those memories were Bernie’s elegant face, her blonde hair, her chocolate-brown eyes, her illuminating smile, her unique laugh. She blinked twice when she came to a simple conclusion.

 

_I am in so deep._

“We kissed. She kissed me after a surgery and I felt _something,_ something that made me _kissed her back_. I was in a daze for days afterwards because I have never felt such a strong pull to a woman before. Maybe I have but I didn’t acknowledge it but it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters now is that she made me realise that this is who I really am. She thought I wasn’t ready and at that moment I felt hollow, it was like my heart got yanked out but I know, deep down, she was right. Telling you might be a changing point, I don’t know, I have to try. Your words were a constant guidance in my life, I will forever be grateful for that, and this time, I think I am doing the right thing, to tell her that while I am not entirely ready, I want this, I want her.”

 

She rocked slightly on her heels as she finished the declaration. Surprisingly, she felt tears in her eyes but it was a weight off her chest, that she could finally breathe.

 

“There. Good talk.” She looked to the horizon and saw the first hint of daylight.

 

A brand new day.

 

“See you round, Mum.” Serena gave the small tree one last nod and left the garden.

 

She walked into AAU and straight into the office. There Bernie was, fast asleep at her desk, curled strands of hair all over her face. She found herself smiling involuntarily, a warm sensation blossoming in her chest. Her coat went over her shoulder immediately, already apprehensive that she might catch a cold despite the room was at a perfectly normal temperature. She didn’t have the heart to wake her up so she let her be, nothing needed Bernie’s urgent attention anyway.

 

Serena started to prepare for her day and content to just occasionally watch the gentle movement of Bernie’s hair by her soft snoring. This might be the start of something beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this wasn't too boring, it was just Serena rambling at a tiny plant.
> 
> I know this was a little harsh to her mother but at the point of view from Serena, I think it is justified.


End file.
